We often insist on our partner on changing themselves and our attempt is always centred on “perfect soul mate”. But do we know that even “Perfect couple” finds themselves in a dysfunctional relationship?

A moment of truth comes when couples face conflict, they learn to work with their insecurities and temperament. As a matter of fact, all and sundry is imperfect. You can’t change the person therefore, you must love an imperfect person. Problems are a part of any relationship, and you will have some sort of problems no matter who you love. There are no problem-free candidates.

Neither we are perfect and nor our soul mates are perfect, these imperfections are bound to cause two types of problems: solvable problems and unsolvable problems.

Solvable conflicts can be as simple as setting up a ritual such as a five-minute chai pe charcha (a chat) to feel more connected. Solvable conflicts will be resolved and barely cited once more. Solvable issues are mostly related to managing housework, approaches to child-rearing and extended family relationships. These kinds of issues are unique to the couple and can be resolved sustainably.

Unsolvable conflicts are based on core differences between the couple, distinct personality or lifestyle requirements. For instance, if your partner is an extrovert and enjoys socialising and you are more of an introvert these differences could repeatedly generate conflict. When these issues are not addressed, the conflict can become unsolvable.

 The key for handling these types of downside is creating an emotionally connected space to cope up with these issues. The aim should be to create opportunities for dialogue around the unending problem from a different perspective with acceptance, understanding, affection and possibly even humour. A healthy relationship may include your partner recognising your desire and quirks and a permitting you to grow in this area. That might look like embracing your partner’s need to go out with friends and perhaps even joining him sometimes. 

Here are a few steps to manage the conflict between couples

Pursuing the person is the first step towards resolving conflict. Living happily means pursuing peace. This means irrespective of who was wrong, one needs to take the initiative to resolve conflict rather than waiting for your partner to take the first step. To pursue the resolution of a conflict means setting aside your own hurt, anger, and bitterness. 

Be apologetic and express your expectations: Apologies if you have been rude to your partner. Rude behaviour doesn’t mean that somebody should be treated poorly. At the same time, your partner should understand that it’s a fleeting moment, this is just one aspect and it is wrong to judge someone from one incident. You should express how your partner’s behaviour has affected you. Then express your expectations as the conversation continue.